Situated along Miami’s Mid Beach, hotelier, fashion designer and cultural engineer Alan Faena’s eponymous hotel welcomed us into its nave, a gold-columned lobby flanked by monumental murals. Designed by the Argentinean artist Juan Gatti, the murals, bursting collages of mythological, religious, and astrological iconography, set the tone for our visit: decadence, seduction, fecundity, and possibility. The iconic Faena red, a bright, blue-red, punctuates the hotel’s interior, theatrically designed by Baz Luhrmann and Catherine Martin, from top to bottom. We were ushered to our own check-in desk hidden in a richly adorned alcove, where glittering bric et brac overwhelmed—from leopard skinned armchairs, to diamond encrusted corals, to jewel-toned enamels.
At check-in, we were lightly warned that it was the Latin American Music Awards and Faena was hosting. Because it was a full house, we were told to make reservations for restaurants and for beach chairs as far in advance as possible. This was perhaps the kindest, most backhanded way of saying that we should not expect too much help unless we were Maluma or Cardi B. That afternoon, crowds with butterfly dispositions gathered in stilettos, slinky dresses and limited edition sneakers. Smelling of sunscreen, sweat, and perfume frosted over by air on blast, voguish crowds vaped indoors indiscreetly, knowing that they were too glamorous to be stopped. The music, a predictable techno beat, was muted by the fabulous conversations flitting between guests. It was an unmistakably holiday feeling.
We took a gilded elevator to our ocean-facing suite and opened a heaving door to a sophisticated scene. There, a velvety-red sofa sat atop a kaleidoscopic Persian rug, flanked by table lamps with golden palm trees for its bases. The TV was set to its welcome channel which played a Faena ad campaign; a sticky jingle that was quirky, mysterious, and fun at once. For the reader (me), the coffee table book of choice was about none other than Alan Faena; the Rizzoli tome dissected and showcased the founder’s ethos, hedging our descent into Faena’s world.
We took our complementary Faena label wine and tropical fruit—lychee, starfruit, papaya and lime—to our balcony, which was softly framed by aquamarine drapes, evocative of the sparkling Atlantic. We soaked in the bright Miami ski and breathed in the warm ocean below, inhaling salt and, strangely, whiffs of meat roasting on a spit below, belonging to Los Fuegos, the open-fire concept restaurant by Francis Mallmann. Just beyond, Damian Hirst’s Gone But Not Forgotten was the foci of the courtyard. The brilliance of the skeletal mammoth, gilded in gaudy gold, was shrouded by shade while its glass cage suffered an assault to its bottom right corner. It was not quite what we were expecting from the pièce de résistance of Faena’s art collection, but we forgave quickly given the strains of the pandemic.
In the bedroom, scalloped sconces flanked a bright white bedspread. Its cool comfort was a welcome contrast to the muggy heat. The bathroom impressed, with its deep tub, top-of-the-range bidet and Faena-red toiletries. Enveloped in pearlescent herringbone tile, the bathroom was a cavernous respite from the clinging beach. The accents of red, blue and white run the risk of appearing nautical, but at Faena it reads
as “Miami cool.” Everyday, we were gratified by our housekeeper who, with the encouragement of tips, liberally replenished our towels and acqua panna.
Faena has four restaurants, four bars, a gym, spa, theater and private beach. At Veranda, the extensive breakfast ranged from lobster avocado toast, to vegan hash, to key lime french toast, served atop gold-leafed plates on a shaded outdoor terrace. At Los Fuegos, we sunk our teeth into perfectly grilled meats and dined on traditional South American rustic recipes. Our favorite restaurant, Pao by Paul Qui, was a memorable night of expertly married Filipino, Spanish, Japanese and French cuisine.
Faena’s private white sand beach was dotted with generously sized red-and-white umbrellas and reclining lounge chairs. We showed up after lunch and were pleasantly surprised that without reservation we easily snagged two chairs. Between soothing laps in the shallows of the ocean, we took welcomed sips of fresh coconut juice. While we didn’t make it to the spa on this recent trip, we did walk through the spa, through the gift shop, to the gym, where we squeezed in a quick workout before dinner at Pao. Though our trip was short, we did make a point of catching Tryst Cabaret at the Faena Theater. The contemporary cabaret, a seductive swirl of singing, acrobatics, fire-eating, tasseled bras, and comedy, enticed and teased us, gouding me to flout propriety as the host Ariana Savalas shamelessly flirted with my husband.
We loved our stay at Faena, though there were a few instances where customer service felt limited. At check-in, for example, setting the expectations that staff would be strained because of the Awards made us feel lesser-than. We felt that to really take customer service to the next level, the concierge might’ve taken the initiative to immediately make reservations on our behalf. While at the pool, because the pool bar was closed, we were told to purchase our drinks at the restaurant and walk them over ourselves. While not a gargantuan task for us, it would’ve been exceptional if the staff had offered to get us our drinks instead. Notedly, the hotel advertised a car service by Alpha Romeo, however I inquired about it multiple times and the car was perpetually engaged. Given our demonstrated interest, it would’ve been better if the concierge offered the car when it was knowingly available. Finally, we felt a little sorry for the golden mammoth, whose presence would’ve elevated the courtyard had its broken cage been fixed and illuminated. While staff did their job, we didn’t feel that anyone had gone above and beyond; such actions take a four to a five star hotel.
Despite these pale misgivings, We left Faena with a light buzz. Our experience was both energizing and relaxing; the hotel’s accommodations, interiors, restaurants, entertainment and crowd were inspiring, and put together they were a convincing argument for the Faena way of life. Faena is now lodged in our memories until the tinkly tune of its jingle pulls us back.
